Directed By: Robert Rodriguez

Written By: Robert Rodriguez

Rated: MA15+

Genre: Grindhouse, Action, Mexploitation

Running Time: 1 hr. 45 min.

In Theaters: Nov 11

Starring: Danny Trejo, Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Cheech Marin, Steven Segal, Lindsay Lohan, The Avellan Twins

Admit it, the first time you saw Danny Trejo (aka the industry standard scary Mexican), you thought to yourself how awesome a movie based around this guy would be. But then you decided that idea was crazy, a day would never come when Danny Trejo the movie would be released. Well, I’m afraid you were mistaken. That day has arrived.

The origins of this movie are as awesome as the movie itself. Back in ’07, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino joined forces to create a Grindhouse revival double feature, in what could be described as the most awesome two man team up in the history of motion picture. Naturally the movie, like the team up, was awesome. It was a double feature, with a movie made by Tarantino, and another by Rodriguez, with them played back to back. But here’s the important part, in between these two screen gems, was a mock trailer, slipped in by Rodriguez. That trailer, was Machete.

Everyone who saw it thought it was awesome, wondered if it was supposed to be a real movie, and then laughed at the prospect. Everyone left the theater that day, a little dead inside, knowing that Machete would never be a reality. Well, it’s my pleasure to tell you that Robert Rodriguez, that crazy bastard, went and made it, most likely after shrugging, and saying “fuck it”.

Machete is the story of a mysterious and legendary ex-federale, known for being nigh unkillable,  known only as “Machete” (Danny Trejo). Machete’s life is destroyed by a notorious Mexican drug lord (Steven Segal), and he flees to the United States across the border into Texas. In Texas, there is brewing civil unrest at the number of Mexicans crossing the border, and Machete is hired by a mysterious figure, believing him to be a simple day laborer, to kill the senator (Robert De Niro) who spearheads the anti-Mexican campaign.

Machete is then betrayed, shot in the head, and left for dead. After miraculously surviving, he then seeks revenge on the people who double crossed him, aided by a Mexican resistance leader (Michelle Rodriguez), a Mexican immigrant turned by-the-books cop (Jessica Alba), and his brother the town priest (Cheech Marin).

Needless to say, Machete is awesome. It’s exactly what you’d expect from a Robert Rodriguez movie starring Danny Trejo. It’s an incredibly entertaining one hour and forty-five minutes of hot girls, ultra violence, and genuinely funny moments.

Like the Grindhouse double feature that inspired Machete (and the period of b-list 70′s Grindhouse that inspired that), Machete is best enjoyed when viewed for what it is, a movie purposely crafted to imitate a B-movie. Everything’s over the top, improbable, and awesome. Machete hacks off limbs left and right in the most over the top and goriest way possible, he survives explosions and gunshots to the head, has sex with almost every girl in the movie, and at one point (shit you not) he puts a minigun on a motorcycle, rides it off a ramp while propelled by an explosion into the air, and rains down a hail of gunfire IN MID AIR.

Everything in Machete is over-the-top awesome. Triple decapitations, gratuitous nudity,  jumping through windows, explosions, ridiculous amounts of blood, and a duel with blades between Steven Segal and Danny Trejo at the end. It’s all here, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll love every second.

Though you probably wouldn’t expect it, the acting is great too. Robert De Niro as the racist senator, Michelle Rodriguez as the passionate leader of the resistance, and Cheech Marin as the priest returning to his gunslinging ways, all do a great job at portraying their roles. There’s a lot of talent present in Machete, and Robert Rodriguez has cast his roles well.

If you were on the fence as to whether or not Rodriguez would live up to the expectations, and the hype created by that trailer back in ’07, don’t be. Rodriguez has pulled this one off brilliantly. If you love Grindhouse, Robert Rodriguez, badassery, insane action, hot girls, or fun, I highly suggest you go and see Machete. Otherwise, you might want to give this one a miss.

-Reviewed by Jack Kelleher